2019-02-10

So apparently today marks the exact 7-year anniversary of the date I originally created this WordPress account. Which is hilarious, because my current attempt to start blogging was initiated completely without awareness of this.

That’s kinda fascinating, and I wonder if it’s just a coincidence or some sort of large-scale circadian rhythm type thing. Regardless, it really makes you wonder what’s going on, even inside ourselves, that we have absolutely no conscious control of. I’m sure there are certain feelings and tendencies that recur biologically on an annual or multi-annual basis… I’d have to think about it. Probably to do with the seasons and reproduction and emotions and so on and so forth.

Anyways, I wish I had more time to write today but I’m running behind and I have to sleep. Current mood: I wish it was warmer out so I could skateboard, I wish women weren’t so confusing, I wish aliens would come down in a massive mothership and vaporize all the idiots in the world. Fuck that would be awesome.

Peace out bitches

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2019-02-07

Okay. So I’m trying to get into the swing of this daily writing thing, but it’s clear I need to manage my time more effectively. I have a couple of self-development projects on the go, and my lifestyle is such that I should have plenty of time to devote to them, but I still find myself slipping far too easily into idle pursuits. You know, the usual empty-headed browsing of memes and hot babes and absurd, pointless DIY videos. Mark my words though, I’m going to make a real effort to maintain some kind of focus this year. I swear.

Trouble is, I’m still stuck figuring out what to write, because I stubbornly refuse to post about my day. Let’s be honest, nobody wants to hear about my day. On the surface, I’ll admit, I’m like the least interesting person alive. Oh yeah, I got home from work and slept for three hours and then I vacuumed the fucking carpet and didn’t talk to anybody. Then I went back to bed until I had to work again. Post complete. Fucking fascinating. Scintillating.

My mind, however, is perpetually crackling with neon bullshit. It is a crystal cavern filled with thrumming spectral stalactites, prismatic shapes screaming down laser hallways and exploding through abstract thresholds in wild curlicues, like high energy particles in a bubble chamber. It is exhausting and I’ve got to let it out somewhere or I’ll go completely batshit bananas.

So!

I guess Valentine’s Day is coming up, which is something that many people can relate to. Has everyone finished their last-minute relationshopping? Relations-hopping, as it were? Aha ha.

Personally, I’m at a weird sort of nihilistic Lagrange point when it comes to dating. Like yeah, the specter of loneliness haunts me on occasion and it can be truly dismal and unpleasant. But what is a relationship really going to do, aside from afford me the (admittedly awesome) opportunity to touch a cute girl every now and then? Is it worth it? In a world where I can press a short sequence of buttons (one-handed, even) and instantly set my eyes to thousands upon thousands of nude human females, is pair bonding an effective use of anybody’s time?

Like yeah, let’s be honest, it’s not like my hours are so valuable that I can’t put aside a few minutes of cat gifs to pencil in some human interaction. Even just being around a girl that is attracted to me improves my mood and self-confidence dramatically, and I am obviously a huge fan of a good uh… workout. But the setup, the maintenance, the constant anxiety and expense, christ. At this point in my life I’m pretty used to being alone, and it’s not half bad. I’m not stressed, I’m not depressed, I’m working out and working on myself and it’s awesome. How badly do I want to compromise that?

I don’t know. If someone wants to spend time with me I’m cool with it I guess. But I’m not down to chase anyone, I’m not down for mind games, I’m not down to babysit. Is it too much to ask that we just hang out at someone’s place, play some video games and have great sex? Is that crazy? Am I nuts?

Ugh, it just sounds so thirsty. Don’t get me wrong; I try to stay reasonably well-hydrated. I’m not averse to good conversation or casual hangouts or anything, but oh my god I feel like I can’t even remember the last time I’ve had a truly interesting conversation. It’s like the line between small talk and actual deep, meaningful discourse seems to have shrunk to an outrageous degree. Has anyone else noticed that? Is this an actual phenomenon? What is there to talk about anymore?

I hope like hell that I’m wrong, that there are still topics that can excite and engage me. I believe that there are, and I’m always on the lookout for them. Who knows, maybe I just need to change my mindset, and shake off some of the dust, so to speak.

Fingers crossed.

2019-02-05

I’m starting a blog. I’ve gotta do it.

I love thinking too much, I love typing too much, I love writing too much. I’ve been meaning to get around to this for years – sometimes, I’ll even go so far as to draft out several different posts – but then I’ll delete them. I love them, then I hate them, and it’s very difficult to just leave them alone once I’ve started to pick out the little tiny flaws.

There are a few recurring problems that get in the way. First of all, what the hell does a person just write about? All my thoughts clamor and shove at each other in an attempt to be the first out of the brainpan, and it’s very difficult to keep them organized and aligned and focused.

And then of course, what do people want to read? Like yes, I’ll agree that personal expression should be the fundamental goal of a blog or public journal, but a degree of self-governance can’t hurt. I’ve found that my mental dynamic range can be unsettlingly large, and I guess some foolish aspect of myself still wants to be liked and appreciated.

I think a large part of the solution, as seems to be the case with many things in life, is just to keep moving. Keep your fingers on the keyboard, keep hitting the Publish button, and eventually it’ll sort itself out in some type of way.

So let’s see. It is the year 2019. Some things are good and other things are not so good, which appears to be a general tendency of things. I work at a job, I live in a house, I like to wander to different places on the weekends where I can look at stuff or talk to other humans or sing loudly into a microphone. I like tea and art and technology and philosophy.

I don’t know what else to write, but I’ve gotten this far and I’m just gonna SEND IT. DON’T LOOK AT IT JUST SEND IT. I’m going to try to do a post a day, and I will genuinely appreciate your feedback as I attempt to establish some kind of cohesive writing style. Send me things that you want me to write about, and I’ll write about them!

Hell yeah brotherrr